It Was Never A Dream
by musicismylife575
Summary: MattxMello Shounen-ai OOC, Matt, Mello, Light, and Lawliet all share a hotel room when on college break. What emotions will spring up when Matt is forced to share a bed with Mello? I suck at summaries. read if you want. meh.
1. One Night

Warning: This will be somewhat OOC, so if this bothers you, do not read this story. I don't want any flames, thank you very much, although constructive criticism is helpful.

It IS MattxMello, shounen-ai, and the rating probably wont go above T (for language)

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters Matt and Mello.

-This is an edited version of the original, in case you were reading back over and wondering about changes-

Normal type= Matt's reflection back on the events

_Italics_= his thoughts at the time at which they were happening

"'Night, Matt."

"G'Night."

I rolled over carefully in the too-small queen sized bed, and fiddled with the light switch on the hotel lamp until it clicked off, plunging the room in darkness. I lay carefully on the outside edge of the bed, facing out, trying not to fall off my little corner of the bed which was much too small for two people. I took the spot on the outside, nearest the bathroom door, and Mello had grabbed the window side.

Lawliet and Light, our friends from college, had wanted to chill all together over spring break near Malibu, so we all pitched in and got two bedrooms, one for me and Mello, and another room for the two of them. We were all exhausted from a long day spent at the beach. It was about 1 A.M. by the time we got back to our room, and I was so tired I could have been dreaming before my head hit the pillow. But despite every effort I gave, I couldn't calm my thoughts enough to drift into the sweet oblivion of sleep.

The problem? I had a longstanding attraction to the guy lying peacefully next to me. Of course, I had never said anything, but Mello was the only guy I had ever felt this way about. I had dated a few girls in the past, and I still considered myself for the most part straight, with one exception: him. It had taken me a while to realize what it was I was feeling, but I had always known how much I respected him, cared for him, wanted to protect him (an irrational feeling, considering that he was much stronger than me), wanted to hold him, be part of his world. I just hadn't realized what exactly that meant; that is, until I realized I had developed a physical attraction to him as well.

That was about a year ago, and I thought I had gotten over it by now, as I understood he was straight and had no indication of ever liking me back, not to mention I was most definitely not ready to out myself as a bisexual or whatever the hell I thought I was over someone who wouldn't reciprocate my feelings. After a lot of thought and some research, I had eventually come to the conclusion that I am "pansexual" or "omnisexual", which basically means I fall in love with the person inside, regardless of gender. Despite my internal acceptance however, I still wasn't ready enough to tell anyone else.

This brings us back to my predicament; lying next to the beautiful, one of a kind, compassionate, intelligent, artistic genius who I was sure was completely oblivious and alien to the feelings that I was trying to suppress while simultaneously adopting a feigned mask of sleep as the minutes ticked by relentlessly. About half an hour after we first lay down, I assumed everyone was asleep, and I was starting to drift myself, until I heard shifting sheets and felt the mattress shift. Confused, I suddenly realized he had been slowly inching his way towards my side of the bed. Unable to believe was I was feeling, I shifted and turned over so that I was facing into his back Sure enough, he was much closer to my side of the bed than he was to Light's. Sighing, I reluctantly convinced myself that he was only seeking warmth in his sleep, and crept towards me probably because I was so embarrassed and flustered I think I was radiating heat from every pore.

Closing my eyes again, I tried counting sheep, although the method had never worked for me in the past. I was just starting to relax when I heard the sheets move again. Feeling foreign warmth seeping into my area of the bed, I opened my eyes a crack, and my heart nearly jumped out of my throat in shock. He had moved even closer to me, and this time, he was facing me, eyes closed, and mouth slightly open, looking so innocent and vulnerable and utterly beautiful. I felt my pulse quickening at our proximity, and I figured I should probably move away before he could wake up and notice me staring at him with a blush that was by then permanently fixed on my face. Still, I couldn't help but enjoy the chance to stare openly at his smooth skin, his hair falling gently around his face…

Hesitantly, I reached out, drawing my hand back several times in indecision and caution. Finally, the feeling in my chest overwhelmed my inhibitions and I gently stroked a strand of soft hair lying on his cheek. In that moment, everything was perfect, his usually light, nearly unnoticeable smell surrounding me. It was a mix of chocolate, skin, and something lighter, almost floral, but so completely unique and beautiful. I was completely caught up in him, lost in the feeling that was flooding through me. I continued to lightly touch his hair, and I could have sworn I heard him sigh.

"So beautiful…" I whispered, under my breath, so quiet that it was unintelligible to anyone but myself. I was so close I could feel his breath on my face. Slowly and softly, I lifted my head and pressed my lips into his hair, breathing in his scent and loving every minute of it. His breath seemed to hitch for a moment, but it was so soft, I wasn't sure if I heard it. I leaned my head back into my pillow heavily, the reality of the whole situation slowly setting in, my thoughts whirling at a million miles an hour as I continued to gently stroke his hair.

_What if…. What if I'm not imagining things? What if he really did want to be close to me, thinking I was asleep already? What if… he's awake right now? Do I dare risk leaning over and kissing those tempting lips that are so close to my own? If he were awake… would he kiss me back? _

My fingers paused, hovering over his hair without actually touching it, halting as my thoughts took a new turn. _What if Mello is asleep, and he wakes up when I kiss him? How would I explain that one? But… what if he wakes up, and kisses me back?_

He interrupted my thoughts by stirring slightly in his sleep, his head rubbing up against my fingers, as if encouraging them to move again. _What… is he dreaming about right now? It couldn't be me, could it? No… he isn't… he's asleep and completely unaware of what I'm doing… But… what if…?_

"No… I can't…" I whisper insistently, more to convince myself than anything else. Almost immediately after I spoke, he rolled over so that his back was facing me again and put more distance between us. I was shocked. It was almost as if he HAD heard me, and was frustrated with me for not having the guts to get what I wanted. I could almost imagine him telling me to grow a pair and just kiss him already. Almost as if that's what he had wanted… I shook my head, worrying that it was becoming harder and harder to convince my imagination that nothing was going on except in my own head.

Suddenly, my throat was very dry, and although I was reluctant to get up, I couldn't stop swallowing, and it was starting to become uncomfortable. Slowly, I rose, sliding out from under the covers and making my way somewhat ungracefully to the bathroom. Afraid that turning on a light would possibly wake up Mello, I fumbled around in the dark for one of the hotel glasses and filled it with water, quickly gulping it down. I stood there for a minute, staring and my shadowy figure blinking back at me from the bathroom mirror, trying to calm my heartbeat and work up the courage to go back into the bedroom. I glanced over at the bedroom door, briefly wondering if he had any idea at all how much his presence alone seemed to affect me, and seriously considering spending the rest of the night in the bathroom.

With some reluctance and much anticipation, I turned away from the mirror and stumbled my way back to the bed, crawling as quietly as I could underneath the covers. I lay awake for another couple of hours, staring at the ceiling, deep in thought. Occasionally I would glance over at Mello's figure lying next to me, and sigh, unable to contain the feeling that swelled inside my heart when I saw his peaceful sleeping face. Finally, at about two thirty, I rolled over again so that I faced away from him, and closed my eyes once again attempting to fall asleep.

About half an hour later, after I had just finally started to get adjusted to relaxing with his warm body so close to my own, I heard the sheets move again.

_No. He couldn't be. But… what if…?_

My thoughts were interrupted as I felt new warmth against my back and felt a leg brush up against my thigh.

_Oh God… is he… is he doing this on purpose…_

Adrenaline resurged through my veins, bringing a vibrant blush back to my cheeks, and making my breathing shaky and irregular. I could feel my heartbeat pounding in every part of my body, but this time, I could swear I felt another heartbeat, pulsing so hard I could feel it through the mattress, coming from the increasingly warm figure behind me. The heat was becoming stifling, trapped by the bed covers and returning tenfold to blaze across my already burning skin. When I felt his warm breath on my neck, the adrenaline reached a point where it was almost too much for me to contain, and the couple of mamosas I had cheated off the bartender earlier came back to bite me; I felt almost violently sick. Cursing my weak stomach, I clutched at my abdomen and brought a hand up over my mouth, throwing of the covers and rushing into the bathroom. I retched dryly into the sink, shivering uncontrollably from the adrenaline that had taken over my body. I shakily poured myself another glass of water and rinsed my mouth, then sank to the floor by the sink, breathing in rapid gasps.

I brought a hand to my chest, feeling my heartbeat thump against my hand as if it were trying to beat its way out of my ribcage. Looking down, I could actually see my chest jumping up and down with each frantic beat. As my breathing slowly began to slow, I became aware of several things. One: I was a complete and total douche. If Mello actually HAD been awake, which it certainly seemed like he had been this time, he probably thought I was disgusted by his approach to the point of physical sickness. Moaning softly, I lowered my head into my hands and slumped weakly against the sink cabinets.

_I have to explain. I have to let him know why. I have to talk to him, I have to... have to… to…_

_What if he wasn't awake and you call him in here thinking he is and tell him everything, and he freaks out? What if he was suspicious of your feelings and was simply testing his theory and really doesn't feel anything at all for you? What if… no. It doesn't matter. I still need to tell him. He needs to know, I don't think I can hide this for any longer._

Yet, no matter how much I try to convince myself to open my mouth and call him into the bathroom, my throat clenched and my mouth went instantly dry, and now sound would come out. _I can't. Even if he does feel the same, I don't think… I don't think I'm ready for this. My whole life would change, everyone would see me differently, I would have to tell my family, my friends… Is he worth it?_

Something deep inside me told me with no room for doubt, yes, yes he is, but it still couldn't shake the fear that swelled within me, didn't stop my limbs from shaking. I sat there like that in indecision, listening to his breathing and occasional sighs, for what must have been only a few minutes, but felt like I few hours. _I can't go back in there with my heart beating wildly like it was, I wouldn't get any sleep..._

So I curled up on the floor of the bathroom, facing the bedroom door, and fell asleep there, tossing and turning and shivering on the tile.

I woke up again about an hour later with stiff shoulders and neck, but considerably calmer and less tense.

Slowly I rose to a sitting position, and then stood up a little stiffly, and slunk quietly back into the bedroom. I listened to his soft breathing for a moment to be sure he was really asleep, then after sufficiently convincing myself, I slipped back under the now cooler covers. I lay there without moving, letting my heartbeat and breathing slow to normal. Glancing over at the clock, I noticed that it was about four fifteen. I sighed internally, and rolled onto my side. The faint sound of the water from one of the other rooms was soothing, and I felt much more relaxed, my eyelids drooping heavily. I slipped into a dreamless sleep, followed by the faint scent of chocolate... _Mello…_


	2. The Morning After

-Revised and Improved from first version-

I didn't dream that night, none of my usual insane dreamscapes or videogame-esque plots. I think I slept lighter than I ever have in my life. When I finally woke up for the last time in a series of attaining consciousness and then losing it again, it was to a finger prodding my shoulder insistently. Blinking and rubbing my eyes, I slowly sat up – and was suddenly nose-to-nose with Lawliet. His proximity didn't worry me in the slightest, as I had gotten used to his unorthodox behavior after years of being friends with the guy, although he was admittedly an unsettling person to wake up to. He stared unwaveringly with those intense black eyes of his, then spoke in a low, even tone; "Breakfast will be served in the hotel lobby in a few minutes. Please proceed to prepare yourself for the day."

Then he leaned back, still perching on his toes and leapt nimbly off the end of the bed, slouched into his normal position, and walked unhurriedly out of the room. Yawning and shaking my head at my friend's incessant strangeness, I swung my feet off the edge of the bed and glanced at the clock on the bedside table. Groaning, I realized it was only six o'clock in the morning. Sure, I could easily handle living on two hours of sleep, what with my frequent gaming all-nighters over the years, but waking up before the sun was NOT a practice I particularly enjoyed partaking in, especially not after the emotional upset I had experienced but a few hours ago.

Cursing Lawliet's odd sleep patterns and mourning the loss of my ability to fall back asleep, I decided to stumble out of bed and into the bathroom in search of some possibly awakening cold water to splash my face with. I stared at my exhausted looking face in the mirror a few seconds, frowning slightly at the pronounced bags under my eyes and the insane messiness of my hair. Satisfied that my goggles would cover both of those up pretty successfully, I turned the faucet on all the way to cold and splashed my face, then ran my wet hands through my hair in a futile attempt to tame my fiery locks.

The water did its trick, and I slowly started to take in my surroundings. I nearly fell over when I noticed Mello standing off to the side brushing his hair. Snorting at my antics, he said snidely, " Well someone's not a morning person."

"Shut up…" I grumbled, splashing more of the refreshing water on my face, partially to repel the blush that had started to rise when I took in his disheveled morning appearance. Jesus, that guy could look hot in a penguin suit.

That thought made me burst into giggles, which earned me another strange look and a gratuitous eye roll from Mello.

"You know, you should let me tackle that hair of yours sometime; I could do wonders with a little gel and a flat iron." He chuckled, continuing to tend to his own hair. I swear, the attention he pays to his hair goes beyond the generally accepted amount, even for a girl; he practically worships it as much as his chocolate.

I straightened up, drying my face with a hand towel and considering his offer. I doubted he could really do much, but who knows; not to mention, it might feel kind of nice for him to be running his fingers through my hair to put the gel in – WAIT WAIT BAD THOUGHTS you should not be fantasizing, hair related or otherwise, in his presence, that would be very awkward, especially after last night.

Trying to distract myself, I rooted around in my toiletry bag for my toothbrush. The air had become rather tense while I was busy with my own thoughts, and I didn't like the awkward silence that filled the space between us. I risked glance toward him, only to find him looking at me rather searchingly. He opened his mouth hesitantly as if to say something, and suddenly I was filled with dread; if he was about to mention what it looked like he was about to mention, I needed to change the topic before it comes up. Struggling for something to say, I decided on our absent roommate.

"So… ah… Where did Light go?"

A surprised expression seemed to flicker across Mello's face, falling briefly into one of confusion, before it settled back into a mask of indifference, as if that was not the question he was expecting me to ask.

"Oh Light? He woke up about an hour ago, said something about going for a run." He sounded so nonchalant I wondered if I had imagined the tension before. He waved his hand dismissively and returned to tending to his hair.

"… I see…"

The tension returned almost immediately, although this time, I was the one staring at him questioningly, while he pretended not to notice.

Fortunately, Light took that moment to return from his jog and demanded that we all leave the bathroom so that he could start his morning moisturizing routine. Of course, Mello wasn't even remotely finished with his hair care, and refused to leave, which prompted yet another bitch fight between those two. I swear I have no idea how they are friends; they are constantly fighting! I rapidly escaped into the bedroom to put on my clothes for the day. As I pulled my goggles over my eyes and slipped into my striped shirt, I couldn't help but wonder… could it all have been a dream? Mello didn't seem to be behaving all that differently… but then again, neither had I really, and he is a much better actor… I decided that no, it couldn't have been a dream. It felt way too real, and besides my dreams are only ever in fantasy worlds with insane colors and sounds, nothing like the gripping reality and muted darkness of last night…

But still, the rest of the day went by without any sign from Mello that he remembered or even experienced what I was positive had transpired, and I slowly become less and less sure I hadn't dreamed the whole experience up. It wasn't as if I hadn't had dreams of him before. I discovered over breakfast that I didn't have much of an appetite, and I could even force myself to try the delicious looking waffles the hotel had provided. I barely managed to get through my toast and tea, while watching Mello scarf down three chocolate chip waffles, slathered in chocolate syrup of course.

We got to the beach ridiculously early, and the place was practically deserted. We decided (AKA I picked and everyone else followed for lack of better options) to go to a local arcade, which was surprisingly one of the only places that was open, and played chess for a while. Or, at least they did; I spent nearly all my money on arcade games. Not because I didn't like chess – I actually love the challenge – but because I was finding it difficult to sit across from Mello. Or next to him for that matter. Or just be around him in general. Every accidental brush or sideways glance got my heart racing in ways I might have difficulty explaining. It got to the point that I couldn't take it any more, and left to find refuge in beating pasty nerds with poor complexion at Dance Dance Revolution. I rock at that game, although Mello is better. He's the fucking dance king.

But despite my struggling to keep composure around him, Mello showed no outward signs of change at all from his usual attitude.

A couple of hours later, once it was a little warmer and more comfortable to be on the sand, we headed out, reluctantly on my part. However, once we got there, we all drifted off separately; Mello went in search of some more chocolate, having used up the supply of chocolate chips he had brought with him from the buffet bar at the hotel, and Light and Lawliet decided to buy the chess board from the arcade place, so as not to end their previous game. Once they got it set up on a beach towel, they were once again locked in an intense chess game that began to gather a large group of onlookers. I rented a water scooter and took off across the waves; it was a lot more fun than I originally thought it would be, especially when some more people started to join me out on the waves; I splashed them all mercilessly. We remained separated for the majority of the day, pursuing our own interests, and the times that we did spend together on the beach, I tended to remain locked onto my D.S., although I had only brought one game, that I had already beat several times and usually only played for nostalgia purposes or when I was really bored. Or in this case, when I was attempting to appear preoccupied so that I would be less susceptible to situations in which I would have to interact with Mello which would have likely resulted in more heart-racing, blushing, and unnecessary giggling than I really wanted to deal with right now. Or ever. Why does he make me feel like such a goddamned paranoid lovesick girl all the time?

We met up again right before I had to leave: Lawliet and I decided to go back early, to catch a lecture that was scheduled on Monday morning, while Mello and Light were going to stick around for a little longer to soak up some sun. Awkward is inadequate to describe the way we left things: a half wave and a strained glance over my shoulder was all I gave him, as he waved back, confused by my cold behavior. I paused as I was walking away, and turned back, my lips parting to let loose the questions I had been holding back, ready to search his eyes for any sign he recognized what I wanted; but he was already gone, faded into the crowd, out of my sight.


	3. Driving Can Be Hazardous To The Health

**A.N. This is a pretty long chapter, almost twice as long as the last one… To make up for my not updating in forever… I would offer some lame excuse about being busy and having writers block and personal problems and all that jazz, but you don't deserve it and I don't feel like explaining myself, so just enjoy this one. I ended up writing this chapter and the beginning of the next (back in Matt's POV) at band camp this week. Which is ironic, considering I was way busier than I had been at home. Ah well, the muse strikes when the muse strikes. I can't control it. Also! If anyone knows the name of the song included in this chapter, that incidentally inspired me to write it, you may have a virtual cookie. Copying and pasting the lyrics into Google is cheating~**

**Disclaimer: If I owned it, would I be writing fanfiction of it? And posting it on the internet for free? I think not. No sueing please. Thank you.**

**Warning: Mello needs some Orbit gum. Should be read, he has a dirty mouth.**

**Mello POV**

Groaning, I sat up, glaring angrily at my phone, which was blaring the lyrics to The World by Nightmare. I love that song, but not so fucking early in the morning. I rolled over slowly, reaching past the various chocolate wrappers littering my bedside table and fumbling around blindly until my fingers grazed across the surface of my screen.

I gripped it tightly and pulled my arm back under my warm blankets and squinted at the screen. _Matt…!_

I shot up, suddenly very awake, and flipped my phone open with such vigor it nearly fell out of my hand.

"Shit..." I muttered, eyes speed-reading the text.

_Hey Mels~ My car's out of the shop & and I wanna take it for a spin. You up for a drive?_

I blinked at the phone in surprise. It had been a week since we got back from Malibu, and ever since communication between has been rather strained, exacerbated by the extra classes I was taking that week. Sure, we still talk on the phone and over the internet like always, but something always felt a bit awkward about it, and he hasn't asked to meet since that night… Granted its not like offered either… and its more likely that it only felt strange because I was trying so hard not to show any true emotion and to steer away from any "dangerous" topics that any conversation took much more fucking energy than it should. But here he was, after the longest week of my life, asking to go for a drive like it was the most normal fucking thing in the world. Which I guess it is, but it doesn't seem like a normal thing for us… right now… after… gahhh I don't fucking know anymore. I'm overanalyzing things again. If he wants to hang out, and I want to see him like hell, what's the problem here? Oh yeah – the small issue of trying not to jump his bones every time I see him. Right.

I sighed heavily, throwing my covers off and swinging my legs off the edge of the bed. I stood up so fast I felt a little dizzy. Ever since that night, I hadn't been eating very much, and it was making me a bit unstable. After a small pause to recollect my balance, I moved over to my dresser and started rummaging through my drawers with one hand while typing out a response with the other.

_Sure thing. What time did you want to meet up?_

Cursing, I realized my favorite leather pants were in the middle of their bi-annual conditioning process. …What? Good leather must be cared for properly! Anyways, its great fucking timing on my part. After some deliberation, I decided on some black skinny jeans instead, and then rushed into my bathroom to do my hair. I set my phone on the counter, and proceeded to open the cabinet behind the mirror and get out my various hair care products. This process normally takes at least a half hour. Gorgeous fucking hair takes time. As I took the cap off the bottle of detangler, my phone buzzed from its place on the sink, the vibrations nearly sending it off the edge into the trashcan.

_Awesome! How bout I pick u up 9?_

My eyes shot up to the clock about the toilet; it read 8:15.

… 20 minutes would have to do.

_Sounds good, I'll see you then. :)_

My hand hesitated over the semi-colon key for a few seconds before pressing the colon key instead. A week ago, I would have chosen a winking face, but now… I was afraid of how Matt might react to it. Logically, it would probably mean nothing to him, but… better safe than sorry, right? And in this case, "sorry" isn't quite the right word. If Matt reacted badly to an expression of interest from his supposedly straight best friend, sorry wouldn't even begin to fucking cover it. A more appropriate phrase might be "mind-numbingly crushed".

I mentally face-palmed as I realized how much thought I was giving such a simple thing. Yeah, I'm hopefully, irrevocably in love with my definitely-not-even-bi-curious best friend. Doesn't mean my subconscious needs to constantly rub it in my fucking face. No matter how exhausting it is to hide how I feel, it would be nothing compared to losing him entirely.

Shaking my head in a halfhearted attempt to clear it of painful thoughts, I realized I had finished my hair… and also spent much more time on it than I had planned to. The clock now read 8:43. Figuring I still had time for some breakfast before Matt got here, I jerked my jeans up over my hips and sauntered into the kitchen. I poured myself a bowl of cocoa puffs, reveling in the silence of the normally too noisy house. My annoying as hell sister Misa was "at a friends house to study and sleepover". In other words, she was at Light's house. AGAIN. She is so fucking thick; I don't think she even has a clue that Light is gay. And in love with L. Yeah, he tells me these things; somehow we're friends. I don't get it either. I mean, I suppose L still doesn't know either, so I should give her a little credit. Hmm… either she doesn't know, or she knows and just doesn't give a crap. That slut.

Our mom was on a business trip, so I had the house to myself. Overwhelmed by a sudden feeling of rebellion, I stuck my feet up on the table and leaned the chair back so far it would have fallen over, if it wasn't for my kick ass balancing skills. Munching slowly on the chocolate-y goodness, I glanced over at the clock on the wall, and simultaneously choked on my mouthful and nearly fell out of my chair. 9:05.

_See, this is what happens when you get lost in your thoughts, instead of being aware of the real world~_, chided an annoying voice in my head that sounded vaguely like Misa. I shivered. Uncanny.

"Shut the hell up, no one fucking cares what you think," I growled, eyes rolling up as if I could roll them back into my head and glared at the source of the voice.

_Great, now I'm talking to myself._ I sighed heavily, and rushed back into the bedroom to find an appropriate shirt. I finally decided just to wear my black jacket with all the zippers on it that Matt got me last Christmas. I smiled at the memory, running my fingers along the soft black fabric. He had looked so god damned adorable with that little blush on his cheeks, putting down his games for once to talk to me directly. It was strange, the way he was looking at me, so eager for my approval, almost as if he…

_NO!_ The more rational side of my mind insisted. _Do NOT set yourself up for false hope_. I reluctantly agreed; there was no way he felt the same. It would be just… too easy. Life isn't some fucking Jason Mraz song. And no, I don't listen to that shit; I've just heard Misa blasting it from her room sometimes. (A.N. Suuuure, Mello. We all believe that.)

A honk outside my window started me into action. Yanking on my jacket, I snatched up my phone and my wallet, an "I'm fucking coming, calm down!" spilling out of my lips as I rushed out the door.

A freshly painted cherry red Chevy Camero was parked across the street; a hand waved at me from the window and another honk rang out, making me grin like an idiot and run across the street, nearly getting myself killed in the process.

"Jesus, Mels, you got a death wish?"

"Only when you're around Matty; your jokes are so fucking bad anyone would rather get hit by a car," I joked, leaning in the open window with a smirk on my lips. I was pleasantly surprised at the absence of his usual orange goggles; I love the color of his eyes, and he is much more expressive without the goggles obstructing them.

"Well, you getting in or what?" Matt said after a moment of silence. By the way his hand was absently stroking the outside of his car from the window and the proud expression on his face I could tell he was proud of his baby and was hoping for my approval.

"Nah, I think maybe I'll just lounge around here for a while and admire the paint job." My smirk threatened to turn into a full-fledged grin at the pleased expression on his face.

"She looks great, doesn't she?" He announced, looking for all the world like a proud parent.

I just nodded, afraid if I spoke, something closer to a giggle than I would like would tumble from my lips. He just looked so damn cute, smiling like that; I could hardly stand it. So I just strode around to the other side of the car and climbed into the passenger seat. I mentally kicked myself as I realized I was jealous of a car. If he would stop _stroking_ the thing, goddamn it…

Matt started his engine and practically purred along with it, the most ridiculous expression on his face. This time, I was unable to contain my laughter, and I doubled over, slapping my knee. He just looked so damn funny! Matt looked at me with what I assume was supposed to be taken for a glare, but really looked more like a pout than anything remotely intimidating. I laughed harder. He pulled the car forward, grumbling something about overdramatic blondes and their senses of humor, but I could tell by the smile twitching at the corner of his lips that he was trying to hold back his own laughter.

Once I had calmed down some, I turned on the radio, flipping through the stations.

"Oh wait, I love this song!"

Matt's hand brushed against mine as he moved to halt me from changing the station. I jerked my hand away, blushing. After humming the first few measures happily, he burst into song, obviously enjoying himself, bouncing along to the guitar beat. And I proceeded to melt into my seat.

If you haven't heard Matt sing, put it on your list of things to do before you die. Or, actually, don't, because you might fall in love with him, and HE'S MINE. MOTHERFUCKERS. STAY BACK! …And no. I'm not possessive in the least. If you had heard it, you would understand. His singing takes his natural sex appeal, which is already fucking high (A.N. see what I did there lol) and multiplies it by about a million. Its better than chocolate. I know. Unbelievable, right?

Here we go again  
>I kinda wanna be more than friends<br>So take it easy on me  
>I'm afraid you're never satisfied<p>

Here we go again  
>We're sick like animals, we play pretend<br>You're just a cannibal  
>And I'm afraid I won't get out alive<br>I won't sleep tonight…

Oh, oh! I want some more!  
>Oh, oh! What are you waiting for?<br>Take a bite of my heart tonight!  
>Oh, oh! I want some more!<br>Oh, oh! What are you waiting for?  
>What are you waiting for?<br>Say goodbye to my heart tonight…

At this point, the blood has started to leave my face and head… other places. I thanked any god that may or may not exist that this song existed. It was just so perfect for his voice. However, it was taking all my self restraint not to lean over and ravish that sexy fucking mouth, which was literally begging for it; I mean really, "What are you waiting for?" How many times is that necessary to say in one fucking song?

The we hit a red light, and he looks over me with this ridiculous fucking seductive look on his face, and sings in this incredibly sexy voice, "Hush hush, we both can't fight it…" and suddenly I am off my seat and my mouth is on his and HOLY FUCKING HELL, WHAT AM I DOING. It was that fast; one second I'm squirming in my seat, and the next my tongue is down his throat and I'm practically in his lap. It took all of my remaining brain cells (you know, the ones that weren't focusing on kissing the hell out of the sexy fucking boy beneath me) to realize that after being initially shocked frozen… he was responding. Rather fucking eagerly, might I add, if his hands fisting themselves in my hair were any indication.

I continued to kiss him fervently, because, holy fucking god, this feels amazing, and he actually seems to be enjoying this as well, and hey, I might never get the chance again, depending on what is said afterwards… which is another reason I don't want this to end. I'm not looking forward to the conversation after its over. I briefly registered the song continuing to play in the background, and at some point the light must have turned green, because I heard a lot of honking, but I can't give a flying fuck, because his tongue is wrapped around mine, and I'm pressed so tightly against him that if we got any closer, we would cease to have separate bodies, so they can go a head and fucking honk. I raised one hand and flipped them the fuck off, because they are so not interrupting this right now. Matt was chuckling against my lips, trying to pull back slightly as I chased his lips with my own. Finally I gave up and searched his eyes for a few seconds, before flopping reluctantly back down in my own seat.

I glanced rather shyly over at Matt to see how he was reacting, and was rather floored to see him with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face, and I realize he's pulled out of the intersection into a parking lot of a random mall, still chuckling to himself. A little ticked at his lackadaisical attitude, I grumbled, "What's so damn funny?" He simply turned off the engine and grinned even harder.

"Well, I knew I had a nice singing voice, but I never knew I could do that! I should sing that song more often," he snickered, winking at me. My face, already red, must have gone seven shades darker with that wink. I looked at my hands nervously. I opened my mouth, then closed it again, then opened it, then thought better of it and snapped it shut.

"…Hey Mels?"

I looked up in shock at the tone of his voice. It sounded almost pleading. Without his goggles, his eyes were enormously expressive, deep green pools looking at with me with such intensity of emotion, and _oh,_ if I wasn't speechless before, I sure fucking was now.

"… Do you love me?"

His eyes seemed almost… hopeful. Question was, whether he was hopeful I was in love with him, or hopeful this whole thing was just a fluke that didn't mean anything.

Nervous as hell, I opened my mouth and tried to speak, and discovering that wasn't going to work, I settled on a nod.

And there was that gorgeous fucking smile again, and he was leaning over and his lips were on mine and everything was perfect; and so of course I had to go and fucking ruin the moment.

I pulled back just far enough to look him in the eyes, and muttered the words I wish I could take back… "Do you? Love me, I mean?"

The moment I saw the flash of confusion pass over his eyes, I knew that this was no longer perfect. Far fucking from it. When he didn't say anything, I sighed and pushed back lightly on his shoulders, guiding him back into his seat. I felt like crying. I just knew it was too fucking perfect to be real. On the outside however, my walls were up again.

"Its ok, Matt, you don't have to say anything. I… I understand." I said calmly, if a bit sadly, through a relatively well constructed emotionless mask. I've had practice. Words were coming out of my mouth, but it wasn't really me saying them. Matt looked so helpless and confused; he flinches when I used his proper name, instead of my usual nickname for him.

"You need some time to think, I get it." There go those words again. Yeah, time to think about how best to pretend this never happened and perhaps buy airplane tickets to Poland. This time I couldn't keep the tinge of bitterness out my voice. As he continues to be silent, I start to climb out of the car.

"Mels, wait!" He cries out, slight desperation in his voice, grabbing my arm before I can escape. Me fists clench as I stop, and slowly turn my head, willing the tears out of my eyes. _What the hell is wrong with me? I'm acting like a fucking girl._

"Mello, I…" He says quietly, making me look him in the eyes. "…I think… I think I love you too."

All the emotion inside me morphs and twists at those words, and suddenly, I'm fucking furious. I yank my hand away and jerk the door open, stomping out. Just as I'm about to leave, I spin around and my mouth opens again before I can stop the words from ripping forth.

"You _think?_ You THINK?" I practically scream at him. "What kind of fucking half ass answer is that?"

Looking utterly shocked, Matt stuttered, tried to take back his words, but I was having none of it.

"M-Mello, Mels, wait, that's, th-that's not what I meant—"

"Don't FUCKING talk to me! I'm leaving, fuck this."

I walked away, my back turned so I couldn't see his face.

I got all the way to the bus stop before the tears caught up to me.

**Muhahahah I'm so mean. I just cant let my characters be happy. Well, they will be eventually, but they must suffer first. Otherwise it wouldn't be interesting. And I lost precious hours of sleep typing this up, so be grateful. Reviews are a great way to show you gratefulness. Just a tip~**

**They also make me feel like writing more, so please comment, even if its just to say hi. And let it be known I appreciate constructive criticism, so if you have some, don't be afraid to lay it on me.**

**Much love to you all!**

**~Poptart~**


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